[He takes her hand, leaning in a little close. He hadn't told anyone this- hadn't really even approached the subject with Bartimaeus, who was there up until his death, or Raven, who had to save him from his injuries upon his arrival.]
This- all of this, it's just a point in between. I'm alive because we live in a pocket dimension in which life and death are so tangled up that people who die come back. It's going to end- and when it does, there won't even be enough of my remains to put in a grave. [He doesn't know why he's arguing this point, but- it's all he's thought about since he got here, it's dominated his mind and colored all of his actions.] I can't go to my home. I can't go home with you. If and when Adstringendum collapses, I die with it. And I don't want...
no subject
[He takes her hand, leaning in a little close. He hadn't told anyone this- hadn't really even approached the subject with Bartimaeus, who was there up until his death, or Raven, who had to save him from his injuries upon his arrival.]
This- all of this, it's just a point in between. I'm alive because we live in a pocket dimension in which life and death are so tangled up that people who die come back. It's going to end- and when it does, there won't even be enough of my remains to put in a grave. [He doesn't know why he's arguing this point, but- it's all he's thought about since he got here, it's dominated his mind and colored all of his actions.] I can't go to my home. I can't go home with you. If and when Adstringendum collapses, I die with it. And I don't want...
[A deep, shaky breath.]
I don't want to put you through that.